Who Comes and Never Goes

This is the same night I have ever passed before. I’m lonely, without a friend or a boyfriend. I just stay at home. Play with my notebook, hand phone or radio. Nothing else, and nothing special. Actually, I just need a friend. Not for doing many thing, but just for accompanying me. Just it. “Huh, it sounds grieving!” I thought.
I start opening my notebook, turn it on. Waiting for a minute.
Just a moment, my notebook has been active. I turn on the winamp, use the headset, and enjoy some songs of Western. I choose Broken, the song of Amy Lee feat Seeter. It reminds me of two special persons in my life. Hufff. Broken… I want to yell that I’m broken…!!!
Then I check my e-mail. Nothing. Something that I’m waiting for there is no. I check my facebook. Still same. I feel disappointed. “Where’s my best friend?!!” I want to cry.
Suddenly, my phone that I put beside my notebook is ringing. There is a SMS. I read.
“Good evening… How’s everything Ay?”
That’s the message. I frown. Then I reply.
“Good evening… I’m fine. (^_^) I’m sorry; may I know who it is?”
“It’s Reza. Reza Anggana Satria.”
My heart suddenly gets pain after reading that message. I read again. I spell letter by letter. REZA. My heart increase pain. Then my phone is ringing again.
“Ay, do you still remember me well? I just want to know your condition now.”
There is an old pain that I feel again. I don’t want remember it again. But, I can’t flee. I must face the reality now. Then I reply his message.
“yes, of course. I have never tried to forget all of people that have ever existed in my life. And my life now is very well.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I hope we are still friend like long time ago.”
“I hope so. Za, I want to know Kiran’s condition. She has never replied all of my messages nowadays. I’m worried about her condition. Please tell her that I’m still waiting for her messages.”
I wait for Reza’s message. But he doesn’t reply my message again. Something happens. I don’t know.
9.00 p.m.
I turn off my notebook. I prepare for sleeping. Then I fall down my body in bed. I remember of Reza. I remember of Kiran. They are two meaningful persons in my life. And I feel that I’m losing them now.
I close my eyes and try to sleep. But their shadow is so strong in my marrow. I can’t stop not shedding tears. My heart is pain. Memories with them were so nice. Even those memories bring me meet them in the dream of my sleep. It’s felt so real.
—
“It will be a nice day.” I thought.
As usual, I experience my activity, go to campus. I take on public transportation, my motorcycle is repaired. I sit in front of two girls of Senior High School’s student. They are friend’s couple. I look at them, and pay attention for them two. They chat each other and look cheerful. They really remind me of Kiran. I look at them same as with I look myself and Kiran long time ago, where we are always together. Those days have gone. And now, I’m yearning of her. I don’t know the reason why Kiran have never sent me messages again since one month ago. I always try to guess it, but I still get nothing.
15 minutes later.
I take off from public transportation in front of my campus. I walk down the street towards my class slowly. Just three minutes, I arrive in my class. Still empty. I wait in front of class. And then, anymore I must look something that reminds me of someone, Reza. I see a couple is chatting and joking. Romantic but disgusted. That view really reminds me of memories with Reza. He is my friend at the same time my love. An amazing moment, even though just for a moment we’re together.
My heart suddenly gets pain again. I’m yearning of Reza. I’m feeling lapse now.
My phone is ringing. It realizes me from my fantasy.
A SMS. From Vina. I read.
“Aya, where are you now?”
“In front of class. Where are you? Our class is still empty.”
“I’m home. I’m sorry. I have not given you information yet. Our lecturer will not come in. So, we are free today.”
I get surprise. Oh my God. I am sad. “Why am I here? It’s vain.” I’m grumbling. This is not a nice day I think.
“Never mind. Thank you. I’ll go home now.” I replied sadly.
Then I leave the class. I feel sad, I feel disappointed. I walk down towards gate of campus. But I don’t know where I want to go. I walk with dilly-dally step. It feels vacuous. “Ooh I need a friend. Kiran, Reza… I want you two. I wanna hold you two.” I talk to my self. “I want to cry… I feel alone. All by my self.”
I want to know Kiran’s condition. I want to go to Jakarta to meet Kiran. But I’m afraid of meeting with Reza there. I think, I can’t meet them both in a same time. I’m confused. What should I do?
I sit on the chair beside the campus gate. I bend my face. My phone rings. A number that gave me messages last night is calling. REZA. I’m shocked. I receive that calling.
Just for a while, there isn’t voice. Silent.
“Hallo…” I spook slowly.
“Hallo… Aya…”
That voice vibrates my heart directly. As a long time I didn’t hear this voice which make me comfortable.
“Aya… Why do you bend your face? You look so gloomy.”
“Why do you know Za??” I’m confused.
“I know, because I am here.” Suddenly a voice is heard beside me, a bit whisper in my ear. I turn away.
“Reza??!!” I’m shocked. I wake up directly.
He smiles nicely. I’m still silent, without a word. All of my bodies become stiff.
“Ay…?” He looks at me.
“Emh.. Yes. Why are you here?” I try to speak, although it’s so difficult.
“I want to take you to one place. Come on!” He pulls my hand and takes me into his motorcycle. I can’t refuse. I’m just quiet. I don’t know where he will take me to.
20 minutes later. We arrive in one place where we used to meet, a place which is full of memory.
For a moment, we’re just quiet.
“Why are you here Za? Does Kiran know that you’re here?” I tried to open conversation. But he’s just silent.
“Why do you just keep silent? Is Kiran fine, Za?” My voice tone sounds hard. But Reza’s still silent. He closes his eyes. I look at him. Then I remember again our memory. “This face that always exists in my marrow. And the memories with you always exist in my heart. Forever.” I say with myself.
And unconsciously, I remember again the moment when we’re together. Very beautiful. He is the one that can make me feel happy. I can’t find the precise words to show my feel with him. Too meaningful. I like this feeling very much, because it’s very pleased fall in love with my best friend.
I look into his face in a long time. I float off in my memory with him, with all of my feeling for him.
After a while, he opens his eyes. It realizes me from my fantasy.
“Za, answer my question! Does something happen with Kiran? You didn’t tell Kiran what happen to us last time, did you? Answer me! Don’t make me worried!” I am quite angry.
“Something happens with Kiran. And that is why I am here now.” He answered dismally.
“Tell me, what happen? Please!” I hold his arm.
“I will not tell you here. I want you know by yourself what happen to Kiran. I will take you to her.”
“So, why do you take me to this place, if you won’t tell me the truth here.”
“I just want you remember all of your feeling to me and our memory here. I don’t want you forget it, even just a little.” He glances me deeply. Then he takes me into his motorcycle.
A half an hour we arrive in front of a house. I know that house very well, because that house is one place where Reza, Kiran and I used to spend our time together. That is Kiran’s house. I have never come to this house for long time. As I know that this house was empty since one year ago Karin continued her study in Jakarta.
Reza invites me to come in to this house. I’m still confused, but my heart starts vibrating. Then we are towards a room. We enter the room. I see a woman sit on the wheel chair. I approach her. Then she turns away.
“Kiran???” I’m very shocked. I hug her directly. I can’t stop shedding tears, neither can she. Feeling of longing mixed to sorrow.
After a moment, we discharge our embrace. I look at her seriously. Reza and I help her to sit on the chair, and then we sit beside her.
“What happen to you?” I asked slowly. She looks different now. Her body becomes thinner and weaker. Her face is pale.
She doesn’t answer my question. She just smiles. I see that she is still beautiful.
“Kiran has suffered liver cancer since several years ago. But she has never told it to anyone. She used to show that she is healthy. And I knew about her sickness one month ago, when her condition was very drop. And doctor told me that she has suffered liver cancer in stadium 4. I was very sad because she hid her pain by herself.” Reza explained sadly.
I’m crying sob while Reza is explaining. I feel that it’s not real.
“I’m sad. Why didn’t you tell me about your pain?” I hold Kiran’s arm strongly.
Kiran smiles again. Then she speaks smoothly. “We are same Aya. Do you feel that you used to tell me anything in your life?”
“What do you mean?” I asked astonished.
“I know about you and Reza, Ay. Did you think that you can hide your feeling both from me, your close friend? No Ay.”
“I have never intended to lie. I just felt that I betrayed our amity by having feeling with Reza. And I thought that you have same feeling with me to Reza. So, I’m willing if I give Reza to you. And I decided to continue my study here, in Tasik, in order to avoid you two. I have never intended hiding all this from you, because I have forgotten all now.”
“hmm, one more time you are lie. I know that you two are still in love. Reza and I were just friend, same with you. I love Reza same as Reza love me, as a best friend, just it. But I let you do what you wanted to do last year. I received your heart kindness giving Reza to me, for I couldn’t be alone and I needed a friend to accompany me passing my days with my pain.”
I gaze her deeply. She looks so weak, but she stick try to looks strong, even though she is getting pain. My heart gets pain for I see my best friend like this. I have never imagined it can happen to Kiran, a spoiled girl. Why does it not happen to me? I’m willing if I must change her painfulness.
“Don’t gaze me like that Ay? I am not as painful as what you imagine. I am strong, even stronger than you which always look obstinate though brittle.” Kiran said softly.
“Why did you not share your pain with me and Reza, Ran?” I asked disappointed.
“I didn’t want to increase your burden, because you two were broken. I have been very thankful for you two, since you two never let me feel alone.” Kiran’s voice is slower than before. I can’t stop crying sob, and Reza can’t either.
“Do you two still remember about the meaning of our friendship?” I asked to them.
“Friendship is not about who knows earlier, not about who knows more and not about whom more often together. But friend is who comes and never goes.” Reza answered directly.
“Ay, Za, you two are lucky, because you fall in love with your best friend.”
“I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend…” Reza and I are singing at the same time. Kiran smiles nicely. But my heart is sad. She looks such arrest her pain.
“Ay, don’t do what you did last year! A friend is someone who always remembers his friend in his pray. And that is what always Reza do. He always involved us two in his days. Although Reza has never met you for one year, you are always in his heart. And I know that you are same with Reza, Ay.”
“What did you say Kiran? Don’t talk anymore, you will be more painful.” I said.
“Keep silent Ran!” Reza said.
Kiran speaks little by little. “No, it’s time for me to go. I want to say what I want to say. I don’t intend to leave you two, but I can’t survive again. I’m happy, because I will go between you two.”
“I’m sad, why must we meet in situation like this.” I cursed.
“I hope you two will never be apart. I love you two.” Karin closes his eyes with saying God’s name. She breathes her last breath. She leans on Reza’s shoulder while she is holding my hand. Her face is so beaming. She has just gone peacefully.
I know, this is the way of God. He collects us in condition like this. My friend has gone, but I still have Reza, my best friend and my love.
I am very sad, and Reza is too. We have lost our best friend. But she will stay in our heart, now and forever after. Because friend is who comes and never goes.